How to love A husband

How to love a husband? Feed him. Make love to him and meet his physical needs. LIsten to him, and don't try to dominate him. Work beside him, and always show him respect. Loving a husband is so easy that almost any woman could do it, right?

Well, for me, it really wasn't, but it's getting easier now. Until just recently, I was in what could be called a difficult marriage by anyone's evaluation. Yeah, neighbours heard some screaming in the wee hours, and we mentioned "divorce" at least once a month.

It was very tough, and I seriously doubted we would make it, until recently. What happened? Well, I think we both got sick of being angry, learned to trust each other, and learned to love each other.

Don't get me wrong, abuse and divorce are serious topics, but this article is meant to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, while making a point. Okay here goes. Let's learn how to love a husband ....

1. Feed him. Yes, I know that making a meal at suppertime is no longer a central part of our culture, as it was in the 50's. Grabbing a pizza pop or a frozen entree sometimes seems like all the effort we can muster, after our crazy days. Cooking seems like a lot of work, more than we are capable of. When I was single, in fact, I rarely cooked. It was just way too much work. Since getting married, though, I have tried to cook as much as I can.

There's something about a steaming bowl of pasta covered with delicious sauce and cheese that helps my husband forget about his bad day, and just simply makes him feel nurtured. I see it in his face. Men are still little boys that love to be fed. Cooking supper for your man is primal ... it's part of human nature. It's a great way to love a husband.

2. Make love to him. Yeah, we all know men love sex. Our whole society seems to revolve around that, in many ways. We joke about it, and we may resent it, at times. But do we honour it? Do we honour our man's primary way of expressing love? Being there for your husband physically is one of the most profound ways that you can love him. He will feel your love, through your hands and your body. Massage him. Hold him. Touch him. Do it all, and do it often. Enough said, ladies!

3. Listen to him. By listening to him, I don't really mean to obey him, or to submit, which is a whole other topic. What I do mean is to hear what he says, and honour it. Hear it first, before you disagree with him. Wow! Hard for me to do, I have to admit.

I thought I was a good listener, but when it came to my husband, I got my defenses up. He was a man, and men had always tried to boss me around. Therefore, I always believed that he was trying to control me. Therefore, I defended myself even before he had shut his mouth. Which meant I wasn't listening, and I didn't hear. And then he didn't hear me. And then ... the fight was on. But listening makes a HUGE difference. It sounds simple, yes, but It's vitally important.

4. Don't try to dominate him. This goes along with the previous point. When we start listening, we can start relating, and don't need to dominate. Fifty years ago, this advice would have been self-evident, but now I think it's controversial. You see, we confuse "don't dominate" with "let yourself be abused." I know I got that confused. I thought I had to constantly stop him from abusing me, but by constantly fighting that, I was dominating him with my "defenses."

And it doesn't help either that so many T.V. shows we turn on show a dominant woman who is in charge of her man.. One of the funniest episodes of "King of Queens" was when Doug tried to wear a cologne that Carrie didn't like. He acted tough in front of his friends, but at home, he snuck around, until, inevitably, Doug was caught by his obviously dominant wife.

But dominating a man puts him either in fight mode, or in lay-down passive mode. Not dominating is a way of loving him, because it lets him be a man. You don't have to be weak; just be yourself. And let him be himself. Don't try to control him. We are so scared of being controlled that we end up controlling him. Don't. "Not dominating" is a major way of loving him.

5. Work beside him. It might sound dorky, but some of our marriage's best times have been our grocery shopping nights. Why? It's a time that we work together. We buy a lot of groceries, then bag them (Superstore) and haul them from the car, and put them away. By the end, we're both wiped. But we feel good! Why? Because we worked together to accomplish something important for our household. My husband has turned to me so many times, and commented that he thinks we make a great team. Working hard is a very important part of a good marriage. It's not glamorous, but it's very important. Love him by working beside him.

6. Always show respect. I haven't always done this, but I try to do it now. After reading some good books on the subject, I began to see how essential this was to loving my husband. As my defenses started breaking down, I was able to look across and really see what my husband's face looked like when I yelled at him. When I was mad at him. And he looked sad. And felt really bad, and I wanted to show him more respect, no matter how mad at him I was for how I thought he didn't show me respect.

And showing respect has made all the difference. I still slip up, but now I force myself to apologize. That's hard! It goes against my pride! But it's worth it, because it's a way of loving him.

7. Pray. If you believe in God, pray! Seriously, sometimes that's the only thing that got me through. In fact, I think this has been the biggest help to my marriage. Prayer is admitting that we are helpless, and brings us to a needed point of surrender. It forces us to be humble, and it lets us hope again.

Loving a husband might sound easy, and in a way, it is.  Once you learn how. The hard part is to keep it up. To endure. And I, for one, am glad I have a lifetime to keep learning. Because now, I no longer daydream about divorce. I intend to stick with it til the end. Loving a husband: food, sex, respect. Yeah, it's do-able!